I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
