I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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