Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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