So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
