My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
