Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
