He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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