I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize