The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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