my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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