well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
