ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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