Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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