Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A bitchslap is in order.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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