I accidentally burped into my bong.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there was a trapeze. enough said
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize