pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize