I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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