i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize