why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
