No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
