Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
