You work out of a Hotel?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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