her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize