I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
