tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
