I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
