He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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