suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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