my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
