So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
