I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you had me at cake vodka
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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