I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
