Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
