She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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