how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
