the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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