It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
