Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize