I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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