help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
