No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
