People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
