I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
