Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
