I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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