You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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