watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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