im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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