The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
