I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
