woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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