i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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