He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
