Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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