Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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