If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
