I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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