Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
