Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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