my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
