Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
