Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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