i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
