i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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