If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
