I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize