i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
