she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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