you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're a waste of cheezeits
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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