After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
