No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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