I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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