I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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