You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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