I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
