Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
