we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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