Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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