the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
