For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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