look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
