Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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