Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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