We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i would punch a child for taco bell
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
