make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
