now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This girl is more easily done than said...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
