Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You left your phone here
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