Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
