goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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